Talk about unrequited love

I think it is a concept well-understood and experienced by any in the digital age. I just lost the most beloved words that ever I wrote, never to have anything but the idea of them, so perfectly formed, forever.

I am alone in this crowded room without you.

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Just a thought, but I think the desire for everyone to make me seem "normal" has caused unusual deformations. I'll explain. Anyone who is dibilitated must relearn to do once familiar things a different way. I had been grossly dibilitated but, to please others around me I adapted and carried on.

This is most notable in my vision/balance. There never was any damage to the external aparatus. My eyeballs do not need improved lenses, etc. It is my interpretation of information they recieve and that darned lesion in my visual cortex. Sure, we comment how a thing is seen the same because that makes you comfortable, but I have to "do all the math" to turn my data into a thing you say it is. So, I am fine, right? It has been difficult and there are several things that I have noticed that I do not do correctly according to those around me and it makes me wish I never bothered on the first place, and if others knew what life was like for me perhaps they would be more sypathetic. But, I hated the sympathy that comes naturally when people see you in a wheel chair, likewise I abhor people treating me like I am stupod just,because I cannot do other things like them. Just yesterday my husband made a degragatory comment like, "oh, that comming from a mother who let her daughter suffer so much from an ear infection that it ruptured her ear drum." At that point, I realized that he was not nearly as intelligent as I had assumed. That was part of the persona that I was trying to create so that I could become someone acceptable, unlike how I actually am, but in trying to create a flawed person I regretted that back story because no one would even believe it, but obviously, he had, even when he had supposedly had dammaged his ear to the point where he needed tubes in his ear, and he saw her swim with her,head underwater, etc. It was at that point that I thought of Tal Bachman's comment about how the "doctrine" as taught by the LDS church was so full of obvious errors that if any one seriously considered things they would not "add up".

The conclusion is that I have been making things add up the way those around me expect,  but now, of habbit, I am stuck in my ways to the point where it no longer takes effort to "see" things that aren't there. Blah, blah... I am just rambling on and on cause I do not want to start a project that might be interrupted....urrr! Again, that dang might thing. A dear friend and visiting teacher mentioned that it would be regrettable if I did not even try a thing because of possible negative results. I will write that sonata anyway...