Urrrrgh!
This was lost, so briefly I'll recap.
I have 2 things on my mind that I plan to record somewhere.
1. In the smorgasbord of life/religion/doctrines I will always go for the yeast rolls. Regardless of the fancy offerings, one will always be on my plate. Bread represents life, and I will live forever.
This belief is so focused it is percieved as tenacity, but I just do not see the point int quick temporary gains. Nor is there ever truly any escape from oneself, so make it the best self it can be. Cue the need for a Savior. So, supposing things were right or wrong to do, it is preferable that I find a way to correct mistakes, no? That is why I need Jesus Christ to be real as well as his doctrine of repentence.
I was regretting things today, which happened because I was comparing my expectations with what was. I wanted to be more like the girl before I had ruined my life with so much life. That is not what repentence does. It does however forgive me of my errors. I like a story to explain what I mean best:
Nails In The Fence
Author Unknown
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."
The little boy then understood how powerful his words were. He looked up at his father and said "I hope you can forgive me father for the holes I put in you."
"Of course I can," said the father.
__________________
My son was telling me that he did not want to forget everything, when I was explaining forgiveness/baptism, because It was a part of him and he did not want to change who he was.
It does change us, but not the way he was worried about....
Ok, so I was thinking about alternate me's and lives if I had chosen differently, like that Vertical Horizon video for "Everything You Want". And I realized that I could not even comprehend how long I would exist, and I did not want to be alone, and that I had not seriously considered eternal things as I should. I was only considering things in this life. Even eternally seeming things were more or less how to appear correctly. Like the sorrow of being caught vs. true saddness.
If I life forever, I will not regret having become someone who accepted things because they mattered for a bit, a long time ago. And I WILL live forever. I have no doubt there.
2) Measuring talents is like "we'll see." My ex husband says that means "no". Well, it sort of does, because it is not an immediate yes. It requires contemplation because the one responding does not know yet, for various reasons.
The same is true with people who are talented. Some require no thought to determine if they are the best while others? Well, we'll see.
