brain stuff

I started off thinking how instinctual things are and that they are the truly brilliant things about me. Then I remembered what my dad said about needing to practice so much so that you do not need to think about how to do things. I decided that the logistics of music are stored in your brain as a second language. And it is by creating and revisiting numeral pathways that they become natural and do not require a decision anymore, but just become a reflex. Ah hah! That is why I cannot just relearn music and languages like I used to. They are like an old app that cannot run the  new application until the old one is closed, and that was when I invented a story like the one where God discussed things with the Devil about Job. Where things like Running, music, languages, etc. That seemed to be natural to me...all such things were taken, so? I'll just relearn them. Well, trouble is, that I have lived longer trying so hard to relearn them than I lived prior. Makes me think about something that Tal Bachman said long ago about the elasticity of the brain my brain still functions fine enough, I merely lack certain abilities that I naturally had. It was that point at which time I thought of a scripture from the Doctrine & Covenants about intelligence being the thing that remains with us giving us an advantage in our next life. So, I wondered if those natural talents and abilities were intentionally denied me, my illness was rather freakish and target odd parts of my brain and really stumped my neurologists. I survived, but did I thrive, really? Well, we believe that we were created for that purpose, so I naturally decided that My loss was more like blinders placed on horses to make them ignore other paths they might prefer. I have pursued other things and have loved being a mother of exceptional children!!! And I most certainly discovered my passion for fiberarts, and most significant in this life is for certain covenants,  and I made those and now I need to help ancestors who did not have that opportunity. I was sort of pushed towards genealogy as the one thing I could do when I couldn't seem to find anything to do.

crochet idea!

We all get crazy ideas, huh? Well, I had one and am sharing it.

I started this morning knitting again. I hope to learn in practice what I understand in theory. It is extremely frustrating actually it is like the guitar. It requires so much patience for my physical motor skills to catch up with my brain. My brain is such a know-it-all sometimes. So, I like to have another activity consuming my mind, like listening to a book, while I knit. I tend to repeat a simple lesson over and over because I make a little mistake and not being skilled yet, I understand enough to know that I do not need to start over, but maybe next time I will be perfect and I will not rip out the stitches to do over. Well, I got about 34 rows in of 48 stitches per row, and was not happy with My results so I tore it apart and started over, being as I was so exhausted I decided my mistakes were likely from exhaustion. I should crochet. I'm actually good at it, and it would feel redeeming.

I decided to crochet and make a video, but it is only in idea right now, but people do tutorials of a favorite pattern (to help you reach the results that made you want to try to follow those directions in the first place, so I thought, what if I made a pattern and did a tutorial for a thing that had no photo or indication of what it was, but you just had to follow the directions and see what you end up with. I wonder if it would work.

Math Joke

I need to write this so I remember it later. 

Knock, knock. who's there? Mathew.

Mathew who?

Mathew cannot do without a calculator.

Isn't that great!

energy - Just mentally scribbling

 Energy cannot be created nor destroyed. what goes up must come down, but what if a thing begins existence up? does it ever fall below, I mean can it? would it create kenetic energy when it never created the potential energy in the first place?

Ludwig stuff

But, not Beethoven, this time.

Ludwig's remains were interred in the crypt of the Michaelskirche in Munich. His heart, however, does not lie with the rest of his body. Bavarian tradition called for the heart of the king to be placed in a silver urn and sent to the Gnadenkapelle (Chapel of Mercy) in Altötting, where it was placed beside those of his father and grandfather.

I need to look up and study Wägner. In particular his daughter's name who married Franz Liszt. Cosmina? My memory fails me, darn it!

working on - come back to me, please

A person dieting is gluttonous to an extreme unbeknownst to scholars and that is the ticket! Doing a thing that a person can FEEL as if it is for the right reasons.

I need to write music right now

It is a constant thought in my mind that I should be writing music, but I do not like simultaneous projects so I want to finish others before I tackle this one because it requires my full intent. It is that important.

I also need to work on a huge project/present, work on my family tree and write a blog post regarding my life and focus. So, I tackle as many as I can at the same time, this is my first (above showering even and I love showers).

Let's see if I can saw this as concisely as it occurs to me...

If the things I believe to be real are then, I would not hesitate to accomplish my number one desire, but I only have that desire, I think, because of what I believe. So, I am just going to go for it and expect everything to work out, but even now I am doubting it, dang it!

But, I still believe so I actually do doubt my doubts as well...crud, that makes me lukewarm! I hate that. I'd rather epically fail trying (a fear of loosing does not motivate me).

I sort of envy Joseph Smith cause he wasn't expecting anything as marvelous to result from his query.

A success requires I Purge myself of many sins (like watching a particular show that would drive the spirit away) and once I partake of the sacrament again then I can attend the temple and make more convenants to have power necessary to bless a life.

Really, after all this time and talk about wanting to run or play the piano again. A better goal would be to those ends. Instead I choose one that has no consequence to me but for some reason, like writing this music. I feel compelled to do whatever I can. I know what it is to completely love someone to the point that you want their happiness no thought of the cost to you...I honestly think and feel in agreement regarding this thing, too.

Ok, too much time already... J'ai du travaille, o hay mucho trabajo, oder ich habe much to do so better hop to it! Tchüss!