LCD

Lowest Common Denominator

I was paingully honest with myself because I wanted to know what the trouble was and fix it. Sadly, I thought that I disliked Nick because,he was ugly, but as I destroyed everything and was starting over completely.

I realized that I truthfully want love, and I have no preconcieved notion what that is, but being any particular shape or size or color or what not does not matter. Gender does because God commanded it and my fundamental, core, denominator is that I am a child of a God who does exist. He loves me and I love myself, but still my life is miserable, and that is why I cling to Beethoven. He was miserable and managed to not only pull through but shake his fist at what tries to smother us all, thus he is champion. I just do not have peace regarding why he did not seek out Joseph Smith or a priesthood blessing.

I finally did it yesterday and it was surprisingly brief. I prayed to love and thus be loved. I laugh to admit my response cause it sounds too much like the canonized account recorded by Joseph Smith. Frankly, "Join none of them." But, I cannot bear to be alone, though. But, even that is no obstacle. I love the children and Children deserve two parents who love eachother and them.

I feel like, how can I be a hororable child of God if I do not keep that commandment? Although, in a sense, the only solution would be to pray to love my husband and father of the children. Right? But, that does not agree with the whole "none of them" Thing. Maybe it is a faith thing. Even though I do not know or consider a solution it will work if I decide to trust God instead of man. I am thinking of Fig Leaves vs. Garments made of skins.

Life is about agency and seeing what we will do. Eve did a thing that coulx have ruined everything! Everything. And she had no knowledge of any redeemer, I do not think. But, romantically, I think. Well, it was enough to be together. So, not aplicable...in that way.

Other matters. I feel very accomplished because I completed another nativity set. So, I am dwadling on starting a new project because not having a pressing thing to do feels good.

I think I am going to make seat covers and matching place mats. But, I ought to work more of the afghan for Lena. But, the more I do the more I want to keep it.

Ok, back to work, we have no school so just waiting for the "bell" to ring lunch is already fixed. I have the vacuum out staring at me though. :) but The kids begged me not to turn it on.