Choosing with talents

It was a hard time in my life when I realized that I needed to choose and could not be a basketball player, a cheerleader, a drum major and star in a production and play piano for early morning seminary so I had to make choices and decide what to cut out.

I was always a bit jealous for those who could simply choose the thing that they were talented at. But, I am now completely certain their choices will come in an equally difficult way that is suited for them. For me, choosing what passion to persue had practically nothing to do with skill. It was having to cut out cheerleading and drama that broke my heart. Sure, I was very good at them, and had alot of potential and enjoyed performing, truly!!

But, this forced choice likely saved my eternal life. Later, as the formation of cliques and popularity gave way to sex, drugs, etc. My choice was already clear. It was never a question of what I could do and do well. I could have anything I wanted. What was a blessing could also be a stumbling block if I ever started to play the comparison game...for example. If I saw rich or famous people or even couples who seemed to have found a seemingly impossible love of their life... I could merely be happy for them but realize that those are just a few of the desired destinations and I may never achieve any of them. At any point I could choose to chase after and get those things, but gaining them has never been a motivating force in my life.
I have struggled sooooooooooo much with never falling in love! But, so what I also did not get a letter jacket in high school or class pictures or have a fancy wedding or even an engagement ring, you know? All the things that matter in this life. But, anytime I get Real with myself I realize anew that my goal has never changed and just because I could have everything does not mean I should have everything. Some things I will do without. Many of those things will never ever be understood by peers either.

I loved Final Fantasy 7 cut scenes made into a movie because they constantly address being a hero (successful) as keeping your honor untarnished. It means more what you think of your accomplishments than what anyone else thinks. I think there is alot of the bhudist sense in sacrament meetings when one ponders how well they have lived up to their promises.