crochet idea!

We all get crazy ideas, huh? Well, I had one and am sharing it.

I started this morning knitting again. I hope to learn in practice what I understand in theory. It is extremely frustrating actually it is like the guitar. It requires so much patience for my physical motor skills to catch up with my brain. My brain is such a know-it-all sometimes. So, I like to have another activity consuming my mind, like listening to a book, while I knit. I tend to repeat a simple lesson over and over because I make a little mistake and not being skilled yet, I understand enough to know that I do not need to start over, but maybe next time I will be perfect and I will not rip out the stitches to do over. Well, I got about 34 rows in of 48 stitches per row, and was not happy with My results so I tore it apart and started over, being as I was so exhausted I decided my mistakes were likely from exhaustion. I should crochet. I'm actually good at it, and it would feel redeeming.

I decided to crochet and make a video, but it is only in idea right now, but people do tutorials of a favorite pattern (to help you reach the results that made you want to try to follow those directions in the first place, so I thought, what if I made a pattern and did a tutorial for a thing that had no photo or indication of what it was, but you just had to follow the directions and see what you end up with. I wonder if it would work.

Math Joke

I need to write this so I remember it later. 

Knock, knock. who's there? Mathew.

Mathew who?

Mathew cannot do without a calculator.

Isn't that great!

energy - Just mentally scribbling

 Energy cannot be created nor destroyed. what goes up must come down, but what if a thing begins existence up? does it ever fall below, I mean can it? would it create kenetic energy when it never created the potential energy in the first place?

Ludwig stuff

But, not Beethoven, this time.

Ludwig's remains were interred in the crypt of the Michaelskirche in Munich. His heart, however, does not lie with the rest of his body. Bavarian tradition called for the heart of the king to be placed in a silver urn and sent to the Gnadenkapelle (Chapel of Mercy) in Altötting, where it was placed beside those of his father and grandfather.

I need to look up and study Wägner. In particular his daughter's name who married Franz Liszt. Cosmina? My memory fails me, darn it!

working on - come back to me, please

A person dieting is gluttonous to an extreme unbeknownst to scholars and that is the ticket! Doing a thing that a person can FEEL as if it is for the right reasons.

I need to write music right now

It is a constant thought in my mind that I should be writing music, but I do not like simultaneous projects so I want to finish others before I tackle this one because it requires my full intent. It is that important.

I also need to work on a huge project/present, work on my family tree and write a blog post regarding my life and focus. So, I tackle as many as I can at the same time, this is my first (above showering even and I love showers).

Let's see if I can saw this as concisely as it occurs to me...

If the things I believe to be real are then, I would not hesitate to accomplish my number one desire, but I only have that desire, I think, because of what I believe. So, I am just going to go for it and expect everything to work out, but even now I am doubting it, dang it!

But, I still believe so I actually do doubt my doubts as well...crud, that makes me lukewarm! I hate that. I'd rather epically fail trying (a fear of loosing does not motivate me).

I sort of envy Joseph Smith cause he wasn't expecting anything as marvelous to result from his query.

A success requires I Purge myself of many sins (like watching a particular show that would drive the spirit away) and once I partake of the sacrament again then I can attend the temple and make more convenants to have power necessary to bless a life.

Really, after all this time and talk about wanting to run or play the piano again. A better goal would be to those ends. Instead I choose one that has no consequence to me but for some reason, like writing this music. I feel compelled to do whatever I can. I know what it is to completely love someone to the point that you want their happiness no thought of the cost to you...I honestly think and feel in agreement regarding this thing, too.

Ok, too much time already... J'ai du travaille, o hay mucho trabajo, oder ich habe much to do so better hop to it! Tchüss!

Drawing board

I consider this little virtual desk to bemy drawing board and I keep coming back to it.

I knew things would come up to thwart me, but I need to be constant and completely committed to my original idea. With the right perspective it seems obvious that everything that "would have been ideal" falls into place but, it is not a case of cosmic tumblers or anything, it is more or less a test to see if I was sincere in my desire to have a purpose and direction in that I could endure so much if my goal was sure. Well, my goal was to stay home and let my husband take care of finances while I continued teaching and nurturing/ loving the children and slowly building up my skills and talents towards a truly eternal goal.

It was unexpectedly hard to bear my son's tears though. Mary cries about everything. But, it was practically unbelievable how selfish and rude Nick was to the kids. But, I reminded myself that if Christ truly loved then redemption is possible and bit by bit anything could become anything else with an eternity to accomplish it. So, we ended up figuring out something that would work for FHE and the kids truly had a great time... They even got him to play Roblox with them!!

So, My every instinct was to simply take a job in SLC and get a home (for a smaller commute) so that I could give the kids a better life. I know exactly how to do it and nearly did, but then I thought.... Primary song in my head." At times I am tempted to make a wrong choice...." I have an incredibly significant thing to do and everything is falling into place towards that end if I just persevere.

The real task will be to see after I achieve success if I will stay married. I am here because I am a survivor. I need shelter and food and this is how I get it, but when asked where is my husband. I know God's answer..."Neither is he who you live with your husband."

The kids Absolutely NEED a good family life. One that they would have with practically any other father. I honestly do not like him much at all. He needs to be yoked with someone who thinks dull thoughts and needs someone like him to help. He is always trying to do things that a typical girl would appreciate but I doubt that he has ever even considered what I want...hmm.

I just had this really odd thought. I could probably write a novel just by printing out and compiling all of my rambles online. It is funny how we accomplish the very thing we think we never could while we are unaware of the undertaking.

So, I am not going to be tempted to go get a job. Instead, I am going to keep on withy goals, and perfecting them. I already found and utilized the software I will need to go with the ideas. Now, I just need to firm up my resolve and accomplish my dreams.

If I managed to believe in Jesus Christ despite the many reasons not to... They seem to come in waves. I believe entirely... Could and would never doubt again then BOOM! I recognize another seeming truth that contradicts and makes believing seem practically impossible. But, I do again with more fervor than I would have thought possible previously.

If God loved everyone so much, he will be sure to give me the means of reaching my potential. I am falling asleep as I type. I better ho