morning thought

Fasting is not trust worthy. It is ultimately another fad. One scientifically sound, but, as in finding truth, it is better not to seek in with scientists. Not saying science is false or won't even be eventually the same as is revealed by God, but when it comes to my health. Ultimately, I need to focus on gut feelings. Since Childhood I have had this metaphor in my head of a great fire that must be maintained. If it dwindles adding logs will not help it burn, and though they may burn stronger, brighter, hotter and longer, kindling and kinder are needed. I fasted and fasted and never saw any of the mentioned benefits, not to say that they are not there, but fat is like a log, and I need to stoke the fire (metabolism) before it works. Many get impatient and just add starter fluid, but that is nothing I have nor care to use. Also, so you burn off all of the fat, ok. You still need to start a burn to keep burning. I like how I feel on food. If anything, I have found success in regular exercise and nutrition. 

Here, I will get a bit "Mormony". There was a talk by Jeffery R. Holland about sometimes taking the wrong road to be certain of the right road. 

https://youtu.be/yNQC-_srxH8?si=d1abYHUfjNoEzqyw

I spent a lot of time invested in fasting only to know surely (not giving in to emperor's new clothes thing) that I happened to get in great shape at the time I was trying out IF. It may be just what is needed for some people, but after 4 days of fasting I realized none of the things I ought to have experienced happened, so by extrapolation I figure none of it's truths are actually truths. Now,  it could be that my body type just takes a bit longer, but I was soooooo tired, not hungry,  mind you, that even if it did work, so what.... whereas, when I exercised after each meal I lost weight and felt stronger to the point that I wondered if I was super human or something.  My conclusion is that I must have a runner's body. Several people in my family have made comments as well about how I had real potetial as a world class athlete and it was sad that I was hospitalized, but my thought is that maybe it was like those blinders the put on horses to help them not get distracted, and I was using my talents to choose other pursuits, also, it is like Beethoven, how having a set back only makes a drive to succeed all the stronger, and true talent blossoms under stress.

Bottom line, is that 60% is not a strong enough statistic or probably of a desired result to base a choice on whereas how I actually feel is.

journal to rid thoughts in preparation for sleep

I do not want to loose weight! I want to loose fat. Too often, various diet plans and exercise routines are focused on loosing weight. It really irks me.  The same thing happened whenever I want getting dentures, I honestly did not care what I looked like I wanted to be pain free. My pain was so intense! When it was gone I felt so much relief and happiness! And it so happened that cosmetically my appearance was improved, but I swear that was never my goal. It reminds me of that scripture in Jacob 2 that says something like seek ye first the kingdom of God and riches will be given you. I see that playing out in real life with my brother Matthew. So, as I close the day that is on my mind, "I want to loose fat." But you can't lose fat cells or gain them you can merely increase or decrease them in size. All of the experts claimed that if I merely did not eat then I would burn fat for fuel. I honestly did not see that happen so I do not know if anything they said is true. I decided that I needed to consult the manufacturer on what I must do and my prayer was answered that it is a blessing to have a body that can run and not be weary. Fast and not starve, etc. But. How do I lose fat? I become a distance runner. I really am afraid of doing that, but that was my answer and that I would never feel w3content until I do that.plus, it was what I was born to do. I think I actually decided that in the pre existence,  and that is what ailed understood and was okay with before I got hospitalized, and reforgotor just dropped that worry thinking we'll, I couldn't run anyway. But, like upon line, now I realize that we are purposely given obstacles to overcome yo make us strong enough to accomplish what we need to, like a bird needing to hatch out of it's shell without help. I had been thinking, too that Nick would probably be a great runner, too

 Though, he wouldn't want to do that, I really think he would be an amazing athlete. 

Beethoven

Way back when, I began. This desk was fashioned with a thought in mind of what might be found written within.

https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/ludwig-van-beethoven-quotes

brain stuff

I started off thinking how instinctual things are and that they are the truly brilliant things about me. Then I remembered what my dad said about needing to practice so much so that you do not need to think about how to do things. I decided that the logistics of music are stored in your brain as a second language. And it is by creating and revisiting numeral pathways that they become natural and do not require a decision anymore, but just become a reflex. Ah hah! That is why I cannot just relearn music and languages like I used to. They are like an old app that cannot run the  new application until the old one is closed, and that was when I invented a story like the one where God discussed things with the Devil about Job. Where things like Running, music, languages, etc. That seemed to be natural to me...all such things were taken, so? I'll just relearn them. Well, trouble is, that I have lived longer trying so hard to relearn them than I lived prior. Makes me think about something that Tal Bachman said long ago about the elasticity of the brain my brain still functions fine enough, I merely lack certain abilities that I naturally had. It was that point at which time I thought of a scripture from the Doctrine & Covenants about intelligence being the thing that remains with us giving us an advantage in our next life. So, I wondered if those natural talents and abilities were intentionally denied me, my illness was rather freakish and target odd parts of my brain and really stumped my neurologists. I survived, but did I thrive, really? Well, we believe that we were created for that purpose, so I naturally decided that My loss was more like blinders placed on horses to make them ignore other paths they might prefer. I have pursued other things and have loved being a mother of exceptional children!!! And I most certainly discovered my passion for fiberarts, and most significant in this life is for certain covenants,  and I made those and now I need to help ancestors who did not have that opportunity. I was sort of pushed towards genealogy as the one thing I could do when I couldn't seem to find anything to do.

crochet idea!

We all get crazy ideas, huh? Well, I had one and am sharing it.

I started this morning knitting again. I hope to learn in practice what I understand in theory. It is extremely frustrating actually it is like the guitar. It requires so much patience for my physical motor skills to catch up with my brain. My brain is such a know-it-all sometimes. So, I like to have another activity consuming my mind, like listening to a book, while I knit. I tend to repeat a simple lesson over and over because I make a little mistake and not being skilled yet, I understand enough to know that I do not need to start over, but maybe next time I will be perfect and I will not rip out the stitches to do over. Well, I got about 34 rows in of 48 stitches per row, and was not happy with My results so I tore it apart and started over, being as I was so exhausted I decided my mistakes were likely from exhaustion. I should crochet. I'm actually good at it, and it would feel redeeming.

I decided to crochet and make a video, but it is only in idea right now, but people do tutorials of a favorite pattern (to help you reach the results that made you want to try to follow those directions in the first place, so I thought, what if I made a pattern and did a tutorial for a thing that had no photo or indication of what it was, but you just had to follow the directions and see what you end up with. I wonder if it would work.

Math Joke

I need to write this so I remember it later. 

Knock, knock. who's there? Mathew.

Mathew who?

Mathew cannot do without a calculator.

Isn't that great!

energy - Just mentally scribbling

 Energy cannot be created nor destroyed. what goes up must come down, but what if a thing begins existence up? does it ever fall below, I mean can it? would it create kenetic energy when it never created the potential energy in the first place?