Such and odd thing...

I want to frequently recall the thought cause there is more to it.

What if I AM Beethoven?

This is a much, much odder thought that is obvious. Like saying I love you, never talk to me again.

Choosing with talents

It was a hard time in my life when I realized that I needed to choose and could not be a basketball player, a cheerleader, a drum major and star in a production and play piano for early morning seminary so I had to make choices and decide what to cut out.

I was always a bit jealous for those who could simply choose the thing that they were talented at. But, I am now completely certain their choices will come in an equally difficult way that is suited for them. For me, choosing what passion to persue had practically nothing to do with skill. It was having to cut out cheerleading and drama that broke my heart. Sure, I was very good at them, and had alot of potential and enjoyed performing, truly!!

But, this forced choice likely saved my eternal life. Later, as the formation of cliques and popularity gave way to sex, drugs, etc. My choice was already clear. It was never a question of what I could do and do well. I could have anything I wanted. What was a blessing could also be a stumbling block if I ever started to play the comparison game...for example. If I saw rich or famous people or even couples who seemed to have found a seemingly impossible love of their life... I could merely be happy for them but realize that those are just a few of the desired destinations and I may never achieve any of them. At any point I could choose to chase after and get those things, but gaining them has never been a motivating force in my life.
I have struggled sooooooooooo much with never falling in love! But, so what I also did not get a letter jacket in high school or class pictures or have a fancy wedding or even an engagement ring, you know? All the things that matter in this life. But, anytime I get Real with myself I realize anew that my goal has never changed and just because I could have everything does not mean I should have everything. Some things I will do without. Many of those things will never ever be understood by peers either.

I loved Final Fantasy 7 cut scenes made into a movie because they constantly address being a hero (successful) as keeping your honor untarnished. It means more what you think of your accomplishments than what anyone else thinks. I think there is alot of the bhudist sense in sacrament meetings when one ponders how well they have lived up to their promises.

Song

There's so much uncertainty
So much I could not know
But starting here is somewhere
Where it leads is where I go

I'll find it's either right or wrong
And its better that I learn
Then to leave my choice to anyone
Who tells me where to turn.

Cause it's a long road.
It's a long way back home.
Time to choose my way
Although I'm alone. I'll make it home.

My pace is getting faster
The signs begin to blur.
Mistakes could really hurt me now
My thoughts start to mature.

I know that I'm not perfect
Not perfect by alot.
That's something I will never be
Cause perfect's what I'm not

Cause it's a long road.
So very long, way back home
Time to chose my way
On my own, I'll make it home.

Though it's a long road
It's a long way back home.
Though I'm alone, I'll make it home.

Where I belong... Back home

Idea for a tv show

I have seen documentaries where I was not sure if it was intended to entertain, and I think, "can they do that?" I guess they can just have not yet. Why not, usually, by the time I think it, the idea is old news. I guess that is the same sort of idea with "reality TV".

My idea is to present the series as completely realistic, like "the Onion" does with the news, and present fabulous news that we all wish were true, complete with actors playing the roles that are printed on the screen as a given subject expert (professor of Artifical Induction at Princeton). But, the best part would be about a  family watching this documentary and giving reviews and we see how the new information plays out in their lives, or maybe the teenage daughter sits in the corner tweeting to her "friends" about the new world (not making tweeting sounds but sending messages to her account on Twitter)

Why?

If it is just science
What happened to keep you from conquering time as we know it?

Instead, it seems like death is the only way to see you. So, why should I even get better?

So much disgust

One should not begin a vacation in such a state but Utah is where I live because I am needed.

I did find hope first before I found a reason to be disgusted...in terms of a promise, a thing I could see or else truth would escape revealing the lie.

It is sad really.

I want a thing so much that I start to think I do see it, but the more I see the more I dispise.

"He who controls a thing owns that thing." but controling oneself is about as close as one gets to owning anything.
Here is one plain thought, it is a choice to take but it is the wrong choice, unless given, and then it isn't really taking in this context.

I just feel like a babe in a tantrum trying to scream and wiggle enough to remove all unwanted remnants simply because I do not know anyother way of dealing with them.

But, now I am older, and I quit out of disgust...well, that and I am sick

New old idea

If you love a thing, that doesn't change if an external facet changes, right?

I had this super duper movie idea, then, I realized Ghost Busters already used it, that one with Sigorney Weaver and Rick Moranis.

But, the idea was a bit different. It was like that opera.... no, no, I am not going to be discouraged for even thinking it.

The idea is that the man knows that it will be easy to get the woman to fall in love with him, cause she already did. And so she does fall in love, but as women do, she kept it secret, and he just got frustrated about to give up, then he rembered one other thing she couldn't resist, and she nearly showed how impressed she was, but didn't and the guy gives up. The End.